DESTINATIONS:
DNF) Ghoulish – wasn’t impressed my first time, but not going to judge off a single performance. Would try to go in with an open mind next year, assuming music rights don’t lapse.
13) Hellblock Horror – prison sets were fine, but no sense of why these monsters co-exist in a believable universe. Usually somewhat underpopulated with actors as well. Gets a pass from Worst of All Time list because it was a last minute replacement of a replacement, but worst house since Chance.
Highlights: The façade. The Yeti, I guess. Honestly the final black hallways with boo-holes may be lazy but was also surprisingly effective.
Room to Improve: Should have leaned into fan service with “classic” in-house HHN monsters, or else just cheaped out on make-up and costuming with angry prisoners and given them free reign to improv scares.
12) Coven – a spot or two lower than it probably should be only because it sounded so promising, and delivers on the promise for the first three rooms, then falls apart. A fun period house that builds into the casino room, but then as things should reach a climax, they dissolve to a whimper. Ton of empty hallways, a mine car effect that barely works, generic witch imagery with no sense of the 1920s era. My biggest disappointment since Hades.
Highlights: The speakeasy door, the bartender and the first witch, the casino
Room to Improve: Just needed to keep up the vibe of the first third. More practically, additional actors and soundbites could’ve helped as well.
11) Freaky – yeah, I’m cheating by splitting HoB. Didn’t feature the best kills or the sense of manic fun from the movie, felt kind of boring to be honest. Younger guests seemed to flock to it at least, but didn’t come together for me.
Highlights: Some clever gags/effects (thinking the lockers, the scrim with the giant Aztec knife). Actors portraying the female lead were doppelgangers to the actress (the ones playing Vince Vaughn, not so much). Nice tight turns and distraction scares – really a well-constructed house.
Room to Improve: Lean into the movie’s dark humor more.
10) The Weeknd After Hours – there’s nothing inherently eerie or unnerving about The Weeknd’s pop dance music. The sets and characters felt like a random mishmash with no story arc. Ultimately felt like a vanity project from aging millennials trying to convince themselves they’re still cool more than anything.
Highlights: The bar scene was the best room, if only because it’s anchored by a song that feels horror-adjacent.
Room to Improve: Make it Billie Eilish.
9) Halloween – 2014 did it better. That’s the review. OK, also the last three houses from this IP had better casting.
8) Halloween Nightmare Fuel: Wildfire – despite an improvised cast, 2021 was the better show. I miss the cube. I miss the pumpkin dance. The “middle” magic trick fit the story better and wasn’t a rehash of the other two tricks you see in the show. While 80% the same, I feel the changes lessened the show a bit. The obnoxious fanbase also cost this a slot.
Highlights: The aerialist is truly breath-taking. Giant hula hoop berzerker was fun. The fire-dancer finale, I assume using gas vents, is really well done--you feel the heat coming off the stage.
Room to Improve: Would welcome the cast back next year, just hope they have a new framing story. Could use better blocking, as well, so that a third of the theater doesn’t have an impaired view.
7) Bugs: Eaten Alive – not kitschy enough to be a memorable comedy house. Too kitschy and effects-dependent to be truly scary. 1950s setting largely dropped between first and final rooms. Too many victim scares. Giant spider at end fourth or fifth time we’ve seen that effect, and it gets weaker with each iteration. Still I saw a lot of people with bug phobias freak out in here, so it clearly worked for some.
Highlights: Opening scene is fun. Dark room with SIF and air blasts surprisingly effective.
Room to Improve: The best dark comedy houses weren’t afraid to be as silly as they were gory, needed that here. Also could’ve used more humans in bug costumes. Finally, has to be said, new queue does not work—too long, seems to come to dead stops more than any other. I’m sure that clouded my opinion some.
6) Fiesta de Chupacabras – village sets really well done. Many of the actors clearly enjoyed scaring. When they worked, the puppets were believable and terrifying. The Latin American overlay helped distract me from recognizing a lot of these sets as very familiar.
Highlights: Fireworks in the opening scene. The first Chupacabra. Best butcher scene of the three this year (four with the food stand). El baño Chupacabra.
Room to Improve: Storyline could have been clearer; a queue video or some “Span-glish” audio cues early on might’ve helped. Puppets seemed to be down a lot.
5) The Black Phone – figured it was impossible to make a house out of this film but they made it work. Recreates key scenes, but also captures the feel of 1970s ”malaise” that makes the movie work so well. So effective that its over-reliance on mannequins and sound bites doesn’t take away from the scariness.
Highlights: The van with the balloons. The chloroform scene. And like HoB’s first half, just a well-designed house, with tight turns and hidden scares. Also appreciate the instant exit back into the park.
Room to Improve: As good as a Black Phone half-house is going to get—these disposable Blumhouse IPs are never going to be HotY.
4) Descendants of Destruction – somehow makes a coherent post-apocalyptic multi-year storyline out of a mish-mash of recycled sets and costumes. Aggressive cast helped tremendously, energy second only to Legends (tho usually felt like it could’ve use a couple more actors). Took a fair-to-middling house I originally had at #6 and pushed it to the top of a weak year.
Highlights: Subway car scare (gets me every time). Cannibal grill. Blacklight mushroom caves.
Room to Improve: Needed a queue video, or at least a PowerPoint like SoX, to set up its backstory. More actors, too, or at least more consistent staffing.
3) Dead Coconut Club – kitschy fun. Brought back the adult Halloween party vibe the event sorely misses as of late, as well as plenty of seating with a/c. Hope it returns.
Highlights: The tikified monster figures (especially the werewolf drinking a piña colada). The background loop. The creative drinks. Most of all, the Sirens, the best HHN show this year.
Room to Improve: Custom tiki mugs would have kicked it up a notch. Ditto a live Bride at the piano.
2) Dead Man’s Pier: Winter’s Wake – the most hauntingly beautiful, immersive house in HHN history. The lighthouse visible at different points, the changing elevations, the cold, the music, even the smells. An eclectic mix of actors in unique make-up. That said, while there are scares, not enough (and not aggressive enough) to propel this to GOAT tier. Still an exceptional house.
Highlights: The old captain in the tavern. The deep sea divers. The rainstorm. The boathouse (finally a realistic water effect!). The truly ethereal Siren. The Flying Dutchman (finally found a way to make bungee scares more visible to more guests).
Room to Improve: Be scarier.
1) Legends Collide – giant, immersive sets. An increasingly aggressive cast (and an impressive number of actors when fully staffed), leading to scares throughout. Unique special effects, a decent variety of creatures, a story that builds to a climax. Those are all the things I look for in a house, and once it gelled this delivered all of them. The past three events have gone 3-for-3 with Universal Monsters, giving me high hopes for the Epic Universe land.
Highlights: An inexpensive but extremely effective queue video. The opening dig site, with the animated Wolfman in the background. That first Wolfman—rarely did he miss scaring a guest. The Wolfman “kill scene” with blood splatter. The Dracula Pepper’s Ghost effect (another old gag that still works every time). That Mummy with the two-sided room who swiped within millimeters of guests. Drac’s study with the bats who morph into him. Dead Drac on nights he lost.
Room to Improve: Wish it had been better staffed early on. But once it was firing on all cylinders, it neared GOAT level.
